Next up; Governor Chris Christie...or is it Sarah Palin...or...Sonia Henie...?

Now that the empire is once again safe from the frightening prospect of a disoriented band of ner-do-wells spending too much time sitting on the back porch drinking schnapps all day and not paying the bills so the lights and cable get turned off and people whose houses blew away, were flooded or burned up in a Texas “global-warming-is-a-hoax” fire storm are no longer cursing the fools in charge while waiting for disaster aid, we can turn our attention back to dance of the republican pranksters running for president.   And what a wacky and ridiculous fish-slapping dance it is. 

Now that Rick “Wait…what?” Perry has completely befuddled his formerly rabid followers with his sputtering series of non sequiturs and pointless and ineffective attempts to get his rhetorical hands around Mitt Romney’s neck, and Herman Cain – a man who seems intent on simply proving that a black man can successfully run as a republican – won a completely unexpected 20 point victory in the Florida straw poll, all bets are off and Michele Bachman’s victory in the Iowa straw poll a mere six weeks ago seems very far away indeed.   Pundits and talking heads are falling over themselves trying to figure out what the hell to make of it all, leading to avid speculation and drooling anticipation of the heretofore coy and retiring Sarah Palin leaping into the void – a spectacular and mind-boggling proposition that would be wonderfully chaotic and clearly force a number of the lesser lights to throw in the towel.  (Hey Newt – Carnival is having a special on winter cruises to the Baltic).

Bachman, trying hard to put some kind of positive spin on her last place finish and 1.5% of the vote, sounded very much like the fox that couldn’t reach the grapes, saying her showing was no big deal, she didn’t try very hard and her campaign was still “perfectly positioned”, further evidence of her confused and hallucinatory relationship with reality.  She has fallen hard since those giddy days in August and appears to be in an ominous smoking spiral which doesn’t look like it will end well. 

Since participation in Florida was kind of spotty by the whole squawking flock, it may very well say less about Cain – still a looooooooong shot at best – than it does about the rest of them and, more importantly, how it appears that the restive republican voters – still a bit disoriented by the shouting and smoldering torches of the tea party – are leaning toward “none-of-the-above” and leaving a huge opening for those standing quietly on the sidelines like Chris Christie of New Jersey – a man who scoffed at the possibility of running just a few months ago and who now looks like he could at least be the flavor of the month for a while if he decided to run.  Just imagine the cacophony and bleating incoherence of a field that included both Christie and Palin in addition to the “Knucklehead-Eight” - Faux News personnel might just spontaneously combust.   Delicious…

The most interesting thing about the debate was the emergence of Gary Johnson, a proven, effective governor of New Mexico who is a libertarian, anti-war, republican along the lines of Ron Paul but without the “crazy” baggage and who one might well suspect has been excluded from previous debates, not because of his lack of support in “polls” – like the ones busy cheerleading for Bachman, Perry and Romney – but because he doesn’t carry the flag for the power brokers and king makers in the party.  He has effectively been excluded again from the next debate because he hasn’t reached the threshold of support ostensibly required, a chicken and egg argument that stifles his voice of reason, as the lack of popular support has handicapped Jon Huntsman.

On the other side of the aisle a newly energized and fiery Obama – yes, finally – has begun to at least swing back at Boner, McConnell and Cantor, laying the responsibility for government ineptness squarely at their feet where it belongs.  It may be a little late but he still has an enormous advantage over anyone in the current republican field because – as disenchanted as many of his supports are - they will surely vote for him over any republican unless they choose to not vote at all.  It is puzzling that he hasn’t taken this kind of bully pulpit stance before this, preferring to try to negotiate.  This, of course, has proved to be folly and self destructive and nearly crippled him.   You can’t negotiate in good faith with someone trying to destroy you; maybe he’s finally figured that out. 

Just as importantly, you can’t go on being reasonable and rational and a nice guy when your rivals are a bunch of pricks looking to hang you out to dry at every opportunity and are far less interested in accomplishing anything positive in a time of national crisis than in blocking any initiative you propose that doesn't follow their tory, royalist agenda.   Nice that you woke up, Barack – now you have to be sure to step on their necks if you can because they will continue trying to cripple you for the next year.  The next crisis created wholly out of republican yarn will be the super committee negotiations – an exercise in going through the motions if there ever was one and one almost guaranteed to be fruitless.  Count on a full blown Faux News sponsored media blitz leading up to Christmas with the hounds of the right baying through the night and painting you again as a failure and a weak, ineffectual leader who presided over cuts to defense that will be called catastrophic.  Count on it and get a strategy in place.

Finally, in a heartening development north of the border, the eminently sensible canucks greeted a promotional appearance by tired war criminal, Dick “enhanced interrogation” Cheney, with a sea of protest signs accompanied by robust and enthusiastic booing that I can only hope made the Lizard King uncomfortable enough to go back and retire to the rock he crawled out from under.  He should spend his days playing gin rummy with Kissinger in a room surrounded by portraits of Pinochet, Marcos and Robert Mugabe, debating imperialist foreign policy dogma and waxing nostalgic about their memories of Nixon.   Yeah, Dick – Saddam was an asshole; now go away.