I can’t figure out why the republican party continues to embarrass itself through the never-ending series of candidates’ debates that are ending up as the political equivalent of self immolation and, in case they missed it, that usually ends badly. Rick “Wait…uh…” Perry’s inability to back up his tough talk about cutting entire government departments by naming those he’s targeting may have finally – mercifully – ended his campaign in the same dense fog that seems to be between his ears. You could hear the sound of potential campaign donors muttering, “Oh fuck…” and tearing up their checks before he finally was able to wander off the stage. He later gave a statement that was heroically understated; “I may not be the slickest candidate…” If by that he means he’s the dumbest candidate ever than he deserves some credit for candor, if nothing else.
The continuing spectacle of Herman Cain rushing out of the room trying to pull his pants up isn’t helping to sway more independent voters, who hold the key to the 2012 election. His brain dead supporters can be admired for their loyalty – if not for their intelligence – but 25% of the republican primary voters aren’t nearly enough to carry the day if he wins the nomination and every thinking person can see that. Obama’s advisors are practically volunteering to go door-to-door for the guy, hoping he’ll be the nominee. Poor Herman; every time he opens his mouth now people hear him like 13 year old boys; “Hee hee…He said “stiff” penalty…hee hee”.
There has been a surge of support lately for Newt Gingrich but his “sell by” date was 1998 and you get a sense that he’d just as soon be doing something else than trying to distinguish himself from Banana and the Bunch in these disjointed and dizzying debates. Ironically he has benefitted from the dimwittedness of the aforementioned Perry and the sausage- pizza-left-under-the-couch stench around Cain but is that enough to resonate with swing voters who yesterday seemed to show signs of being sick and tired of partisan horseshit and watching the two parties slap fight over every issue? Probably not. Newt is anything but post-partisan and I can’t see him striding in triumph to the nomination, at least not on this planet.
The others are irrelevant for the moment at least. Santorum and Bachman are nuts, each in their own inimitable ways. She thinks that the way to solving the problem of inadequate revenue being available for us to pay for everything we want is to make sure that the 47% of Americans who don’t pay federal income taxes have to throw in “two Happy Meals worth” of contributions to the national treasury. This is an idea striking only in that is so pointless and insipid. Let’s assume that’s 40 million tax payers at 10 bucks each – you get 400 million, not enough to buy on F-35 fighter plane. Good thinking though Michele – outside the box. Now go home.
Santorum is the hard working but angry catholic boy, a type with whom we are all too familiar. He's probably in some Motel 6 in Dubuque right now pissed off that the senate judiciary committee voted to repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and working on a stump speech vilifying queers for wanting to destroy the sanctity of marriage and cause the end of life as we know it. Of course this is a guy who wants to nuke Iran too so it’s a little bit hard to take him seriously and, as he’s finding out, almost no one does.
Ron Paul is 75 and could easily get elected as National Grandfather, assuming he can tell a good story, but he’s going through the motions for the sake of exposing his ideas to the public, not an altogether irrational thing and what else does he have to do, really, except maybe talk to Rand about where polar bears come from. Ron seems to understand fundamentally that he far outside the mainstream of national political thought; Rand does not. It’s a teaching moment.
And finally there is poor Jon Huntsman, who could probably be in line behind you buying groceries and neither you nor anyone else would know who the hell he is and for some reason – probably because he is not a crazy asshole – he can’t get any traction. Two words for you, Jon – third party.
In a final attempt to ignite the gasoline in which they’ve soaked themselves, republican congressional leaders have made a laughable attempt at tarnishing Obama’s leadership abilities by citing his distance from the “Super-Committee’s” deliberations, only serving to highlight their own selfish and destructive stance and reinforce the growing perception by the public that these guys are a bunch of conscious-less sluts serving only those rich enough to pay top dollar for their services. Not to put too fine a point on it, fellas, but most whores don’t live happily ever after either. As they watch the Faux News highlights of the debates these guys are probably hitting the gin over Frank Sinatra singing It Was a Very Good Year and wishing they could start over from the 2010 mid-terms.
Even front running Mitt Romney has problems stemming from his constant but ill-advised attempt to portray himself as a tough guy. Ruben Navarette, a well spoken conservative national columnist and influential voice in the Latino community, wrote a syndicated piece recently saying that Romney is essentially dead to Latinos for coming off like a Jan Brewer wanna-be on immigration and generally acting like a hypocritical dick. If you can’t attract some Latino votes in this country anymore, you’re dead on arrival.
So it’s no surprise given this sad-sack group of candidates that Karl Rove and other influential republicans are concentrating their efforts of exploiting the Citizens United ruling and pumping zillions of dollars into super PACs, concentrating on buying votes and propaganda rather than supporting any one these donkeys. Of course they’ll eventually pick one…and that makes me laugh out loud…
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