In a completely cynical play to the lowest common denominator in the republican party – AKA, the tea party – Mitt “The Twit” Romney is practically giving himself a hernia blasting the Newt-ster for his reasonable and somewhat thoughtful take on the immigration issue during the last debate. This pitiful attempt to placate the mouth-breathers is a perfect illustration of the systemic dysfunction in the modern republican party and – I am sure – fills the Obama campaign with joy and gives them something for which to be thankful today. The sight of Mitt feverishly trying to get both feet in his mouth is giblet gravy to the democrats anxious for anything that will turn the dialogue to what’s wrong with Obama’s opponents from what’s wrong with him. The fact that Gingrich has a position which stops short of rounding up immigrants, tattooing them and shipping them out of the country in box cars makes him the subject of scorn and derision amongst the republican opinion makers, pseudo-intelligencia, and the other candidates.
That knuckleheads like Bachman, Cain and Santorum are fixated on how big a fence to build across the US / Mexican border is no big surprise; they don’t have three sensible ideas between them. But Mitt is counting on being seen as a moderate, electable reactionary and not some filthy unwashed down-in-the-dirt reactionary like them. I guess he figures it worked when he beat Rick “Mexico is where again?” Perry over the head with his one sensible position on immigration so why not hammer away at Newt as well. It shows how much of an original thinker Mitt is, as well as what a calculating hypocrite he is at the same time. One of the many positions he has flipped-flopped on is his take on immigration and, more specifically, what to do about the millions of illegal immigrants already here. Back before the drugs kicked in, he thought some kind of path to permanent residency, if not full citizenship was probably the answer. Now he treats that idea as if it’s global warming, evolution or reasoned negotiations with other sovereign states or any of the other half-baked , crazy ideas that liberals float around out there.
In the republican primary you can’t go too far wrong pandering to the so-called base and Mitt can pander with the best of them. Say what you want about Bachman, Ron Paul, and Santorum: they might be crazy but at least they have convictions, the expression of which proves they’re crazy. And malapropisms aside, Perry and Cain are just flat out meatheads so much of what they say can be forgiven as garbled gibberish that represents their best efforts at expressing themselves. But Romney doesn’t really strongly believe anything apparently. Well, maybe he strongly believes that it would be a cool thing to be president. But I am convinced that if you held his feet to the fire he couldn’t give you an answer that would make you sleep soundly at night.
His commander-in-chief chops are a bit suspect as well. During the debate he continued his rope-a-dope strategy, staying on the sidelines lest he venture too far out onto the skinny branches and fall and hurt himself. He’s smart enough to know what he doesn’t know, unlike Herman Cain, who is so out of his depth it’s almost embarrassing. He spent the evening deferring to Huntsman, Santorum and Bachman, who have actual foreign policy experience, and Ron Paul, who also knows what he’s talking about. He did know enough to refute Rick Perry’s ridiculous notion of a “no fly” zone in Syria, although the idea of intervention there was tossed around as if it were really an option – strictly a play to show how tough he wants to be in Middle East matters and a blatant suck-up to Israel. But criticizing Obama for not doing what military commanders wanted him to do was an unsettling parallel with past foreign adventures that ended badly and Huntsman calling him out on it was a highlight.
Poor Mitt; he still is desperately trying to prove his dick is big enough for the job and that being a Mormon doesn’t mean he believes in impending alien space craft visits or that he will start passing out the rat poison jello shots the first time a comet comes around. The surge in support for Newt represents the first real challenge to his front runner status and obviously makes him nervous. Newt’s boisterous and indignant certainty about everything is in stark contrast to Mitt’s strategy of playing it safe and letting his opponents take turns hoisting themselves on their own ill-advised blather. How he handles this home stretch leading up to Iowa will reveal a lot about the race to the finish next November. But regardless, I suspect that Barack is enjoying his turkey today in a way he might not have envisioned a few short weeks ago. Enjoy the sweet potato pie, Mr. President…
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