I had intended to write today about the staggeringly schizophrenic spectacle of the Obama justice department in California flying reconnaissance missions over orange groves and almond orchards in concert with brown oxford-wearing rural sheriffs with crew cuts and aviator shades, spending millions of dollars feverishly looking for legal marijuana plantations hiding in plain sight. Worse, when they find them, they are now threatening to seize the land upon which this pungent and sticky green bounty is found, and take it from families who have been working the same land for generations and who have State of California issued permits to grow the stuff for legal and licensed medical marijuana dispensaries. I hope the irony of this isn’t lost in the description.
The single most valuable cash crop you could possibly grow – more valuable than saffron or white truffles – is confiscated by law enforcement in operations costing millions, taken to the nearest incinerator and gleefully destroyed by these same self righteous but incredibly dull jar-heads while their spokesperson says things like: "The California marijuana industry is not about providing medicine to the sick," claimed Laura Duffy, the San Diego-based US Attorney at the October 8 Sacramento press conference. "It's a pervasive, for-profit industry that violates federal law." Hmmmm…sounds a lot like Goldman Sachs to me.
The thing is, this genie is way out of the bottle and – just like gay marriage and other social abominations – you’re not going to get it back in no matter how many puckered up soldiers you enlist to help. Too many people are clear that – while not a particularly productive undertaking – ingesting pot shouldn’t be a crime. Old Laura there probably goes back to the hotel room after a long day of railing against the evils of “for profit” but illegal agricultural industries, kicks off her stubby-heeled sensible justice department pumps and sucks down a couple of cocktails from the mini-bar. I wonder if the irony of it all ever strikes her.
In any case, this ludicrous and brain-dead government use of our tax dollars had me ready to call out Obama, a former pot smoker and current user of the far more insidious and deadly – but legal – substance, tobacco, until I read a story today in which it was reported that these guys don’t even talk to Eric Holder when they decide to burn down the cornfield – they decided to do that all on their own. Well butter my butt and call me a biscuit…I guess the sight of large groups of well behaved if somewhat addled cancer patients with orange Cheeto mustaches just gave them the willies so bad that they decided to do something about it on their own. God knows we can’t take a chance that dangerous class 1 drugs are being used recreationally. That would be…I don’t know; sinful…?
It’s a funny situation when you think about it. If you don’t think Phillip Morris already has research green houses somewhere growing the most kick-ass ganja imaginable, you’re naïve. But for some reason the corporate royalty is hesitant to fully endorse the a move toward legalization so it has become a very grass (ar, ar) roots thing – the growing and distribution is a people’s industry, if you will, promulgated right under the flared nostrils of “the man” and it appears to me that someone somewhere is getting pissed off about it. I can see fat guys in conference rooms practically bursting their suspenders, sputtering, “Well..well…we just can’t HAVE this, god damn it!”
Every time I see a news story on TV about one of these pharmacies I marvel at the neat display cabinets holding all manner of varieties and permutations, like a counter-culture Baskin Robbins for stoners, a crazy impossible dream when I was in my 20’s, something you could speculate about and then laugh at the absurdity of it all, with Commander Cody in the back ground.
So Barack – brother man – put on the Super Fly soundtrack, call Eric Holder and tell him to chill, dude. California pot growing is here to stay, like it or not. Why don’t you have him hunt down some real criminals?
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