The Michele Bachman Madness Tour continues to generate both laughs and jaw-dropping idiocy even as her odds of winning the Iowa caucus are only slightly better than Herman Cain’s, and as we all know, his odds aren’t too good at this point. Bachman’s half-crazy determination is admirable until you consider that it may derive from too much absinthe or a Peyote sweat-lodge ritual she shared with Marcus many years ago when they were hitchhiking through New Mexico. In any case, her line of thinking this week has been typically non-linear and random, with a healthy dose of fundamental ignorance thrown in for good measure.
First she wants to close the American embassy in Tehran, a building that was long ago turned into a combination hookah dealership and Kentucky Fried Chicken. It is slightly disturbing that someone who has such strong and strident views on dealing with the pesky Iranians – like, say, bombing them like we bombed Dresden – would not know that we haven’t had an embassy there for over 30 years. Oh, and she already is a member of congress...
She has been hyper-critical of Obama's Middle East policy in general and his handling of the Arab Spring in particular because of her intense interest in defending Israel. Support for Israel is standard foreign policy and hers shouldn't be a surprise until you realize that it springs from the same impulse that drove Richard the Lionheart, and Newt the historian will help us recall that wasn’t ultimately successful as a way of bringing peace to the middle east. It's Old Testament all the way, with all of the disturbing repercussions that implies.
Of course there is some inherent conflict between the nativist racism that fuels much of the anti-immigrant anger of the tea party folks and their chirping about "limited government" and that apparently trumps any concerns about civil liberties, rail cars to the border and tattoos so it’s hard to know if her strategy will ultimately attract voters. The funniest part of her confused rant was this: "What about deportation? I believe we should uphold the laws of the land, which does include deportation. How do we pay for it? The American taxpayer." This begs the question; as tax payers would you rather pay for more cops, affordable health care for everyone, alternative energy and cancer research or rounding up 12 million illegals?
She also appears to be fighting with Ron Paul over the loyalty of Cain’s supporters now that he has decided that it’s a lot less work to just pretend to run some kind of ersatz 21st century conservative think tank than actually run for president. The puzzling thing about this weird tug of war is the idea that the tea party votes will be enough to win the day in a general election. Sure, there is an undeniable “Anyone but Obama” sentiment in the country and he has a lot of work to do to solidify his support among progressives and independents alike. But being unbalanced enough to appeal to the hard core, tea party Cain backers, who – let’s face it – have to be plenty crazy themselves to think pizza-boy was the answer, isn’t going to win many independent voters, let alone any wavering Obama people. Who is the strategic genius running her campaign, Carrot-top?
Finally this week, she went off on one of her favorite topics, gay marriage, inexplicably telling a group of high school kids trying their best to understand modern politics, that, contrary to reports, she would allow gay people to get married. No problem; the only caveat is that they would have to marry people of the opposite sex. She elaborated on that view this morning, saying that the people of Iowa – where a gay marriage ban was overturned by the Iowa Supreme Court – don’t support gay marriage and citing as evidence the fact that three of those judges were voted out of office subsequent to that decision. The problem for Michele is that she again seems to lack a basic understanding of…well, reality, but specifically constitutional government, because she said, “The people of Iowa are sick and tired of the judges tell them what their laws are.” Hmmm…check me if I’m wrong, Michele, but I think that’s pretty much exactly what they’re supposed to do.
Luckily for all of us, she will never be in a position to achieve her aim; “As president of the United States, I will only appoint judges that will apply the strict construction or the original intent of the Constitution of the United States”, since she seems to have no idea what that is – only that it’s what she thinks that it is. Given the evidence of her thinking that has been on display for several months now, that should make it easier for all of us to sleep at night.
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